Over the summer I studied abroad in Italy. I lived in a tiny apartment with six girls for 30 days, which meant lots of wine, a few tears, and countless nights that turned into mornings spent talking about life and love.
One night we started talking about how often the dreaded “c-word” is thrown around when it comes to females… Yup, I’m talking about crazy. One of the girls said something that night that struck a cord with me. She said, “Crazy is a word that guys use to write off women that care.”
That one little sentence got me thinking about crazy in a whole new way, and that one little sentence spurred on this entire piece.
I’m in a new relationship. It’s new territory for me, which is fun and scary all at the same time. We have what I would consider a healthy relationship, but I’m often paranoid about doing things or saying things that would classify me as crazy. (Side note: He’s already seen my crazy and signed up for it anyway.) But then I ask myself what even is crazy? Where did this idea of crazy come from? What does it even mean?
I mean guys call us crazy, we call ourselves crazy, other girls call us crazy, society tells us we’re crazy…
I figured that if talking with a few of my girls in Italy got me thinking this much, I wanted to pick the brains of a few more of my friends as I tried to wrap my mind around this concept of what is crazy? Some of these girls have been in relationships before, some are in relationships now, some are casually dating as we speak, and some have been single forever, which is great because crazy means something different to each of them.
Here’s some of what they had to say:
“I feel the same double standard when people call girls crazy as I do when people talk about dad bods. It’s hilarious and normal when a guy has a dad bod but heaven forbid we ever talk about “mom bods,” because that’s not an “acceptable” societal thing these days. Same thing with calling girls “crazy.” That’s slapped on girls who drink too much or are too emotional but nobody ever really cares to talk about guys who drink too much or are too clingy because that seems to be a normal thing.”
“People use crazy as a general term for women which puts all women in the game group. Instead of describing their quality, they just call them all crazy which generally categorizes women with the same negative connotation while their personality traits are in fact very different.”
“It’s frustrating to be called crazy because it questions a girls mental health.”
“In the case of boys calling girls crazy, due to whatever BS reason, caring (wow, screw her right?), wanting commitment (again, wow terrible), whatever reason they give themselves, here is my opinion: boys make girls crazy.”
I want to throw the disclaimer out there that the word crazy has an actual definition, and sometimes the use of the word is warranted. Crazy can be defined as, “mentally deranged; demented; insane” or “senseless; impractical; totally unsound.” People do some crazy (by definition) things, especially when it comes to love and people we care about. But somewhere along the way the word became skewed. People started to overuse it, and it has taken on a whole new meaning that I don’t think it was ever meant to take on.
Someone recently sent me an article, and judging by who sent it to me I expected something comical and outlandish. Much to my surprise, it was pretty much like reading my thoughts on crazy written by someone else.
She said, “Why is it that I automatically assumed I was crazy, just because I occasionally feel jealous or threatened by another girl? …If we’re aware that humans are instinctively intimidated once in a while, shouldn’t we ditch the idea that everyone who sometimes get a little jealous is undoubtedly insane?”
So there you go. The quote that inspired me to write this piece and this one here both stem from the same principle: caring.
People are quick to call women who care crazy, but when did caring about your relationships become a bad thing? Quite frankly, if you don’t care you’re wasting your time. So let’s lay off the “c-word” and start to give ourselves credit for caring about the people we love. That’s a novel concept! Or just say “Thanks!” the next time someone calls you crazy, cause you and I now know it’s not so bad.
I’ll never apologize for caring about my relationship, and neither should you. If that makes us crazy, we’ll wear it with pride. But like the article says… You’re not crazy if you’re jealous; you’re crazy if you’re not.