I read something the other day that stuck with me.
A blogger I’ve been following for awhile was talking about soulmates, love and her current relationship about which she said, “I know that I have chosen to love someone who is GOOD.”
She was discussing how though she was still on the fence about the idea of soulmates, she knew that the relationship she was in was working because it was simple. They liked to hang out together, they cared for each other and it was just good.
This shouldn’t have been a revolutionary concept to me. But having dealt with a complicated and exhausting “situationship” for the past few months that I was desperately trying to either justify or escape, the simplicity of her certainty gave me a benchmark for my own uncertainty.
Have you ever heard the saying, “it’s either ‘hell yes’ or ‘no’”? It’s basically the same concept, that a relationship should be cut and dry. It should be clear that you want to be in it. That it’s working. That it’s good. Or it’s a big fat “no”.
Oftentimes we equate complicated feelings and confusion as part of the “excitement” and emotional peaks and valleys of a romantic relationship. We’ve brainwashed ourselves to believe that turmoil equals passion and predictability is boring.
But why is that? Isn’t it nice when you can depend on someone? When you know exactly how they feel about you? When you know you’re the only person they’re seeing?
We too frequently stay in or pursue relationships we know right off the bat aren’t good for us. We convince ourselves to stick with them and exhaust them until most of the time we just end up proving ourselves right.
Do we do it for the story? Do we do it for the temporary feelings of excitement? Do we do it because even if the relationship is going nowhere, it feels good to be pursued? I think it’s probably a mixture of all those things.
The truth of it though, is that our gut instincts are right 99% of the time. But we don’t always listen to them.
The next time you’re at a crossroads in a not-sure-where-this-is-going relationship or situationship, ask yourself, “Is this person good? Is this person good for me? Is this relationship good?” If you can’t answer a capital Y. E. S. to all three, then get the hell out of there girl.
It’s a litmus test that will never lie. It boils down any complicated situation to the bare essentials of what’s important in a relationship – something that is good at its core.
Don’t you dare compromise or settle for anything less.