Featured image by Amelia Kramer
Everyone has a lot to say about love, and in our generation there is more pressure than ever to find someone who is your soulmate, your best friend, your lover, your shopping buddy, your wine bestie, your romantic poet and more, all in one. In short, today when it comes to love, we are trained to think we need to find that one person to be every single thing to us.
But guess what? You don’t have to do that. Ever heard the phrase, “don’t put all of your eggs in one basket,” or well, one person? Breathe a sigh a relief because we give you full permission to NOT make your significant other your best friend.
When it comes to socializing and relationships, we are not meant to rely on one person solely for the rest of our lives. Why? Because an individual doesn’t have every single personality trait and every single interest in the world, so an individual won’t be able to fulfill our every social need in life.
Author, psychotherapist and expert in all things relationships and sexuality (go watch her Ted Talks after this), Esther Perel says this is one of NUMBER ONE pieces of relationship advice. She spoke on this in Garance Doré’s Pardon My French podcast and says, “You can expect your partner to do a lot of things, but the idea that one person will satisfy all your needs, the same person will be the one with whom you take care of your dying mother and your babies, and your sex life, and your professional anxieties, and your internal turmoil, and your intellectual pursuits, and your creative endeavors, take this out of your mind! I think that part of what is difficult is the excessive amount of expectations. You understand that your partner will meet some of your needs: they may be sexual and erotic and intimate, or they may not.”
So say you can’t believe that Bachelorette Jojo picked Jordan Rodgers, but you especially can’t believe that your SO doesn’t want to dissect all of the reasons why she chose to pick him. Accept it. Your SO may be your person for most things in life, but when it comes to deliciously trashy reality TV reach elsewhere in your social circle and you will come out feeling fulfilled.
Shared interests in a couple are majorly important, but separate interests can be even more important when it comes to long-term relationships. After all, these are the activities and discussions that keep you feeling like you. Find all of the different relationships to fulfill all of your interests and needs, and forgive your SO for not being every person to your every need.
So don’t throw away your relationships because your SO just physically cannot handle clothes shopping. It doesn’t mean they aren’t the one for you and you are missing the fairytale. All it means is that your SO simply doesn’t like shopping, so you should call your stylish bestie next time you feel the itch to shop. After all, the more the merrier.
When you figure out that your significant other doesn’t need to be your best friend in every aspect of life, dating will be easier, you relationship will be stronger, and your friendships will shine brighter.