I’m one of those girls who seems to always be in a relationship. And when I love, I love hard. But what I’ve found is that I give so much of my love to others, that when those relationships end, I barely have any left for myself. That, my friends, is not a good place to be in.
The most important thing I’ve learned in life about dating and relationships, is how crucial it is to fall in love with yourself before you do anyone else.
I’ve struggled in the past with this idea. It’s a simple concept and one you’ve probably heard before, but do you actually believe it’s true?
Too often I’ve also watched friends put so much time, energy and love into a single person, by the time the breakup rolls around, they’re absolutely crushed. Worst of all, they start to see themselves as unlovable because someone they invested so much into doesn’t feel the same way back. We’ve all been there, Ben & Jerry’s in hand, attempting to console our heartbroken friends.
Here’s the reality. Relationships are fleeting – especially romantic ones, and especially at this time in our lives. But we’re stuck with ourselves. We’re stuck with these bodies, personalities and quirks that make us who we are. That’s one thing that will never change. The second you depend on someone else, someone fleeting, to be your sole source of love, you put your happiness and self-worth into their hands. No one should ever have that much control of your life. No one besides you.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to just love every single bit of yourself. And well. From your pretty little heart that gives you life, to your ever-growing mind, to the glowing skin that covers your strong bones. You are human and you are too wonderful to not love yourself deeply.
It’s also important to hold onto to the things that make you feel beautiful, whether that’s in the way you laugh, the way you feel wearing your favorite outfit, the way you create art, or music, or run. Hold onto those feelings. Let them thrive and carry it out every single day, and realize you don’t need someone else to make you feel beautiful and loved.
Okay okay, but love is fun. And being in a relationship can be great. I’m not telling you to celebrate singledom forever if it’s not your prerogative. My point here is once you’ve fallen in love with yourself, you have the capacity to love others so much better because you’ve got the confidence to do it right. You can give all you want and if it comes to an end, your world doesn’t come crashing down. That’s because you know just how amazing you are and you control your own happiness. Not them.