Call me a gold digger, a girl with daddy issues, shameless, sugar baby, escort or simply, a girl infatuated with a man who happens to be older…30 years older.
I thought it was disgusting when my cousin – who is only two years older than me – married a man 21 years older than her. Then there is me: a 24-year-old dating a 54-year-old. I guess you can add the title, “hypocrite,” to the list above, too.
How is it that I found my cousin’s marriage to an older man so repulsive, yet here I am dating a man that could be my dad? Actually, he’s the same age as my mom. He has kids that around my age. Does this just keep getting worse? Maybe yes, maybe no, but let me share with you what Allen* and I have. After that, you can judge.
HOW IT ALL BEGAN
I recently moved across the country to start fresh. To this day, I don’t have any friends my age since it’s hard juggling work and family life. Also, all of my coworkers in my department are already married; and honestly, downright annoying. I am naturally a social person, though, so I would meet and greet coworkers from the other departments to satisfy my loneliness. That is how I met Allen*.
At first, it was cordial and respectful. I would call him MISTER Allen* rather than just by his first name. He would then joke with me saying that I made him feel old every time I used that title. Every now and then he and I would banter with each other for a few minutes here and there. I thought of him as an elder; not as a potential lover.
The more we teased each other the more we would get flirtatious. I noticed I would giggle more giddily each time I spoke with him. I also noticed that I would go over to his section more often for no reason at all just so I could talk with him. And somehow, I felt that he was starting to do the same thing, too.
THE TURNING POINT
It was right when my shift was beginning when I ran into Mr. Allen*. As usual, we were flirting with each other. It was at that moment that I told myself, “It’s now or never. Just go for it. Even if he rejects it, at least you tried.” I grabbed his business card, wrote my phone number down, thrust it back in his hand and then walked away.
I decided to myself that if he didn’t contact me that it wasn’t meant to be; but if he did contact me, then that means that he’s meant to be in my life for some reason. Not even 10 minutes later, I get a text from him saying, “You’re such an amazing woman. You’re such a positive young lady. I love how you’re always laughing and smiling. I look forward to getting to know you better.”
WHAT ALLEN HAS TAUGHT ME
Allen is so different from any guy I’ve been romantically involved with. For the first time, I am being treated like a lady, not like a conquest or “a piece of meat” as my dad puts it. We do get romantically physical with each other but he respects my boundaries and never forces me “satisfy” him like so many other college guys have immaturely done. Apparently, college guys thought it was my duty and obligation to satisfy their “needs” just because we kissed.
Allen doesn’t shower me with expensive gifts, roses, jewelry and champagne like the way a sugar daddy would in order to win my love either. Instead he showers me with his time; to me, time is more precious than any expensive gift. I know he’s a busy man, but he goes out of his way to take me on cute dates to the gorge or scenic parks. With previous boyfriends, they would make a big deal that they had to sacrifice their free time to take me out on a date instead. Allen never makes me feel like I’m a waste of time.
He most definitely doesn’t treat me like a little girl either. He treats me like an equal. Ultimately, he doesn’t let my ethnicity, age gap, background, etc. affect the way he communicates with me.
As he likes to emphasize to me, he felt that our souls connected instantaneously and that’s why he was attracted to me. To be honest, I was attracted to his broad shoulders and salt & pepper hair. I felt that my reasons for pursuing him were so shallow and superficial. Allen taught me that the mental and emotional connection trumps physical attraction.
Allen is the nicest man I’ve ever dated.
WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE?
He and I both know, sadly, that we can’t marry each other or start a family together since both of our families would strongly disapprove. That is why we’re taking it one day at a time. Another thing that prevents us from making a full commitment to each other is our huge age gap. I know I said earlier that age wasn’t an issue, but reality begs to differ. We’re in two different stages of our lives. He’s retired from the armed forces while I’m trying to kickstart my career. He already has full-grown kids while I don’t intend on having kids until I’m atleast 28 years-old.
We also work for the same company in the same location so we have to keep it professional while on the clock. We show our affection for each other in cute, sweet ways at work. For example, I brought us homemade teriyaki burgers and noodles while he’ll be bringing in homemade rack-of-ribs next week for our lunch break.
Somehow, I think some of the coworkers in various departments are gossiping about us, but we don’t care. People will always talk whether they be the ones at work or the whole world. They will always point their fingers at us and snicker at how he’s a cradle robber and assume I’m his escort or daughter.
For now, we’re going to love and appreciate each other without being embarrassed. I know everybody around us will chuckle and guffaw at us being romantic in public, but we’re not ashamed. It’s like Allen* and I are in our own little world. This relationship Allen* and I have is surreal and amazing. I think I finally understand why my cousin loves a man 20+ years older than her.