Let’s face it, when we were kids ‘growing up’ seemed like the coolest thing EVER (…ok, maybe after Razor scooters and Lisa Frank folders). We couldn’t wait to be adults: ice cream for every meal, no rules, no bedtime, (#adulting?) and storks that would magically drop off little mini versions of ourselves when it was time.
Then came the video in fourth grade that shattered the illusion for us all: puberty? Periods? Pregnancy?!? Oh my!
Turns out babies aren’t delivered via stork, but some of us had some pretty funny ideas as to where they did come from.
Here’s the Lala’s compilation of hilarious misconceptions of puberty, pregnancy, and growing up:
“I thought for the longest time that babies came out of your belly button as ghosts then kind of materialized into actual babies.”
“I thought women just popped babies out when they were “chosen” to have them.”
“I thought you got your period for a day every week instead of for a week once a month.”
“Until sixth grade I thought that a man and woman just had to get naked, lay down next to each other, and the sperm would come out and crawl over to the woman’s vagina. I no joke had nightmares about this “sperm snake” until one of my friends enlightened me.”
“When I was really little (probably five) I thought if a man stared at a woman too long that she would get pregnant.”
“I thought my boobs would magically grow in overnight…here I am still waiting for them.”
– Anonymous, 21
“Until 4th grade I thought babies were conceived through kissing.”
“I thought my balls would suddenly drop a noticeable amount and that’s when I would know I was going through puberty.”
“Until third grade I totally thought that babies were made through the belly button.”
“I thought that couples only had sex when they were trying to get pregnant.”
“I though boys and girls had the same “parts” until 4th grade when we had our first divided class to discuss the issue.”
“I used to think when you were married you got handed a baby…like it just spontaneously appeared.
I used to think that “man periods” were a real thing.
I thought that when you got boobs they literally developed overnight and you just woke up one morning with like C cups.”
“From watching so many romance movies when I was younger I always thought that the day after you got married you had a baby. I didn’t even think you had to be pregnant, I thought the baby just came out and you moved on with life.”
“I did not think sex was necessary to have a baby. Honestly I don’t think I really knew what sex was until I saw the video in fourth grade.”
“I thought the number of kids you had was the same as the number of times you “did it.” My pastor and his wife had 5 kids…”
-Molly (the author’s) Mom, Not Telling
“When I was 10 I watched The Parent Trap with my neighbor who was 7. In one part of the movie a character mentioned the word ‘sex.’ My neighbor innocently asked me what it meant. I responded, in my 10-year-old wisdom, ‘It’s when two people take their clothes off and kiss.’That’s all I had ever seen in movies and it took me like a REALLY long time to understand what sex really was.”
“I thought that all my baby fat would magically disappear and turn into breasts.”
“When I was in third grade I thought puberty was a disease that could be prevented.”
“I was mind was blown when I found out what a period was in fourth grade. Those were like the best kept secret since Santa Claus.”
“I still don’t think I fully comprehend what a period is.”
It’s okay Evan, I don’t think us women fully comprehend it either. As for me, I thought there was some magical age you would turn when you would stop getting acne. Apparently 21 isn’t it.