I Was Freaked By Dating Apps, But Then Fell In Love With This One

My dating track record for the past two years has been, well, let’s just say, non-existent. Living in NYC, one of the most thrilling cities in the world for a twenty-something single woman, you would think every opportunity would be a chance to meet someone new and be swept off my feet.

But, long story short, it hasn’t exactly been the Sex And The City experience I was expecting. It’s been a lot less Samantha, and somehow, a lot more Miranda. I work hard and have a jammed-packed schedule. At the end of the day, I’ve always pushed love to the side for the other 1 million things on my plate.

So when the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel approached the Lala about working together, I took it as the perfect opportunity to turn around my bad dating luck and take matters into my own hands. Because times have changed. Dating is different now. And it’s time for me to make a dating change too.

Ready for a total truth bomb? I’ve never used a dating app in my life. Like, ever. So when I heard the words, “Why don’t I use the app and write about it?” come out of my mouth, I could barely believe it was me saying them.

So I did it. I downloaded Coffee Meets Bagel, and I was floored. It wasn’t anything like I expected. All of my preconceived biases of what it meant to be on a dating app vanished.

Not only did Coffee Meets Bagel make me feel special, – but it made the whole process actually really fun. From the guys, to the way the app functions, there were six major features that made me fall in love with the app.

1.They put ladies first.

With #LadiesChoice, they’ve fixed the problem many women on other dating apps were getting tired of – endless photos, no personalization and a lot of dead ends. Every day you’re given your “Bagels” – men who have already liked your profile. Then, it’s up to you to accept and start the conversation. As a woman, you always have the final say on who gets to talk to you and when and it’s nice not having to wait for guys to like you back. Because, hi, it’s 2016 and it’s nice that a dating app has finally considered what women want.

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2. It doesn’t take a lot of time.

CMB understands that you don’t have time to sift through endless, fruitless dating profiles, and they also realize that generally, women and men approach dating differently. Women are more selective, men tend to cast their nets wider. So from the batch of eligible men who’ve liked your profile, they narrow down the best of the best for you – kind of like a personal matchmaker.

3. You have more in common than just your geographical location.

Because Coffee Meets Bagel is thoughtful in the selected matches you receive each day, I loved the fact that I had at least one, if not many, things in common with the “Bagels” – that’s what they call your matches- I’d been given each day. Coffee Meets Bagel also tells you when you have mutual friends, which in my book, is a huge plus, and reassurance knowing that we have commonalities in our social circles.

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4. CMB supports you along the way.

The whole time I used the app I felt like I had a best friend sitting there, going through it with me. Throughout the process, Coffee Meets Bagel offers suggestions and encouragement, ranging from which profile photos works better, to conversation starters about your match to get the chatting going without the awkward “hey, hey.” As a dating app newbie, these hints and tips made me feel totally at ease.

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5. It’s about quality vs. quantity.

Because I only had a few “bagels” to connect with daily, I actually took the time to read through their profiles and not make a quick flash judgment based on a few photos. Of the six men I was given my first day, I decided to connect with three. These guys were funny, intelligent (4 out of 6 attended Ivy Leagues, most had masters), a few had dogs in their profile photos, their interests were vast and unique. There was nothing “surfacy” about the process. In fact, it was the exact opposite.  

 

6. It’s a safe space to put yourself out there.

Without reviewing my dismal dating track record again- please, spare me a little dignity- it’s safe to say that part of my issues stems from fear. Fear of rejection, fear of wasting my time, fear of heartbreak. But joining Coffee Meets Bagel made me realize that we’re all just trying to find connections. Sometimes that process involves analysis, finding commonalities or realizing you don’t have enough of them and moving on. I shouldn’t take everything so seriously and personally. A great way to do that, honestly, is to join Coffee Meets Bagel and just see what happens.

The whole process has been an eye-opener for me. Starting with how I had perceived dating for so long, discovering the real reason why I was pushing it off, and realizing how I put so much pressure on myself when I didn’t need to. Dating should be something to look forward to. Using the app has been a source of excitement in my day. It’s made me feel more confident, connected me with really wonderful people I wouldn’t have known otherwise. And the best part? It’s all in my control. This app has allowed me to take control of how I want to approach my dating life and fit it into my schedule.

Yes, a work assignment is what got me into the online dating game, but it’s not what’s making me stay.
The other night I bit the bullet and grabbed a drink with one my matches after work. It was honestly a blast. Have I fallen in love? Not quite. That takes time. But for the first time in two and half years of living in NYC, I’m having fun with dating. And right now, to me, that’s way more important.

Image via Kellyn Simpkins

Molly Longest

Co-founder, Creative Director Her heart belongs to: leather jackets, live music, Moscow Mules and getting that perfect picture Her guilty pleasures: frequenting the taco truck down the street a minimum of two times a week and talking to strangers' dogs in Central Park

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