Help! “The Friend Zone” Is Killing My Love Life

“Dude, she totally friend zoned me.”

The other day, I overheard this conversation between two guys in class. The other guy scoffed in disbelief for his buddy and shook his head, insinuating something along the lines of “that sucks, woe is you.”

And I mean, wow, what a bummer, right? You were nice to a girl and she did not reciprocate your kind actions with sex or a relationship? How dare she!

Here’s the thing: the friend zone is a made up concept. As in, it does not exist. There is no mathematical equation for relationships that provides evidence of one dude’s kindness (hint: respect that should come naturally and be given to everyone) plus a woman equals sex.

Not even Cady Heron could make that equation up and she was in Mathletes.

Let’s pretend a guy took me out on a date, opened the door for me and I said: “thank you.” As it progresses, the date does not go as well as I hoped it would (he probably said he likes cats more than dogs) and I decide to stop the relationship from developing further.

Now, how likely is it that this guy will tell his bros I “friend zoned” him with a grimace as if it is an insult? I would say the odds are in my favor. “I even opened the door for her,” would probably be a way to justify his reasoning as to why I should have instantly dropped trow and kissed his feet.

That is called manners, my friend. It is in no way, shape, or form a secret code that gets us into bed together because I owe it to you.

Attraction is the main point of relationships, whether it be on a physical, emotional, or intellectual level. When someone does not feel any kind of attraction, it is evident that the relationship can not last in any way.

There needs to be a common ground, a passion of sorts. That being said, making the decision to only be friends is not “putting you in the friend zone.” It is recognizing that I do not want to waste my time on something I know will inevitably fail to last and wanting to at least keep contact as friends.

Being someone’s friend should not be said with such disgust. Someone wants to be your friend but not your girlfriend? How can you live with another friend in your contact list? The agony!

By all means, I am not attempting to ignore the fact that the “friend zone” is used in other forms (i.e. a man about a man, a woman about a woman, and a woman about a man). It definitely does. And we all definitely need to cut that crap out.

Do not make someone feel guilty for not wanting to engage in a relationship with you. Sometimes things are simply not meant to be. Just because I don’t want to Netflix and chill with you does not mean I don’t want to chill with you at all. Being my friend is not a punishment, trust me. You’ll still get a lot of corny jokes and unadulterated sarcasm. In fact, you’re probably lucking out, so in a way I guess you’re welcome.

Image via Amelia Kramer